Gov. Palin and her Eskimo husband enjoying some lean and healthy moose bacon.
How in the hell did Sarah Palin ever pass the vetting by McCain's people? This is unreal. Below are some fake quotes of Governor Palin I made up just for fun:
On Creationism:
The simple yet elegantly awkward moose proves God's creation and not evolution is the source of all life. How could something as oddly shaped and silly looking as a moose evolve through so-called "natural selection?" Is evolution a committee? There is nothing natural about a dorky moose! Only God could have made a moose and given it huge antlers to fight off his predatory enemies. God has a well known sense of humor, I mean He made the platypus too.
On oil exploration and drilling in the ANWR:
God made dinosaurs 4,000 years ago as ultimately flawed creatures, lizards of Satan really, so when they died and became petroleum products we, made in his perfect image, could use them in our pickup trucks, snow machines and fishing boats. Now, as to the ANWR, Todd and I often enjoying caribou hunting and one year we shot up a herd big time, I mean I personally slaughtered around 40 of them with my new, at the time, custom Austrian hunting rifle. And guess what? That caribou herd is still around and even bigger than ever. Caribou herds actually need culling, be it by rifles or wolves, or Exxon-Mobil oil rigs, they do just great!
On Alaskans serving overseas in Iraq:
Well, God bless them, and I mean God and Jesus because without Jesus we'd be Muslims too or Jewish, which would be a little better because of the superior Israeli Air Force.
Disclaimer: She didn't actually say these things - I made them up. But thanks for all the visits.
SlowDown, he needs to get his movies straight, too. It's more of a Lifetime Original Movie.
Posted by: Chuck | September 11, 2008 at 12:58 AM
Matt Damon is making mention of the second one in his tirade... what a celebutard!
Posted by: Drew | September 11, 2008 at 12:24 PM
Oh man. I liked the Bourne series too. I don't think Damon is dumb. Maybe he's hanging out with the wrong people? lol. I'm one of those 'idiots' (I guess you would call them) who does believe the world is only about 6,000 years old. I don't fault anyone for thinking that's strange. After all, people would rather believe a lie they've heard a thousand times over a truth they've heard only once. I guess that's what they mean by "truth is stranger than fiction."
Jason W. Elder
In the Buckle of the Bible Belt.
Posted by: Jason E | September 11, 2008 at 12:42 PM
Man, Mo tried to register the "Lizards of Satan" domain name but someone already got it. Shit. Guess Mo will just have to settle for a "Lizard of Satan" tatoo.
Great new name for Lesbian Republicans: "Lizzies Of Satan"
www.moronsinchapelhill.com
Posted by: Mo | September 11, 2008 at 01:51 PM
Funny stuff. I guess the fact that nobody at MSNBC bothered to check the authenticity of the quotes speaks volumes about their credibility.
Hey, you also made it into Maureen Dowds column today, not by name, but by another idiot (Dowd) claiming that Palin believes dinosaurs were around 4,000 years ago.
Keep being funny, and all the cool guys are named:
boB
Zion, Il
Posted by: Crazy Politico | September 11, 2008 at 07:42 PM
Maurine Dowd tried to pass these quotes off as real. The liberal branch of the media appears to no longer care about "just the facts ma'am". They're more interested in smearing whomever they can whenever they can. Your quotes are very humorous and even without a disclaimer I wouldn't have believed they were said by Palin. One would have to be a real nut job to believe they were true because they are sooooo outrageous. Right Mr. Damon?
Keep up the good work!
Posted by: StormyKnight | September 12, 2008 at 07:15 AM
Matt Damon, Maureen Dowd, and Eve Ensler at HuffPo have fallen for your joke and are citing them in anti-Palin videos and columns.
Your fake quotes are funny, but I can't believe Democrats are actually believing they're real. How can people be such dumbasses?
Posted by: stace | September 12, 2008 at 09:32 AM
Matt Damon, Maureen Dowd, and Eve Ensler at HuffPo have fallen for your joke and are citing them in anti-Palin videos and columns.
Your fake quotes are funny, but I can't believe Democrats are actually believing they're real. How can people be such dumbasses?
Posted by: stace | September 12, 2008 at 09:34 AM
I just wanted to use your blog to say "Hi!" to Matt Damon. Hey, why don't you clue him in to what is meant by satire?
Posted by: Vicki in New Jersey | September 12, 2008 at 09:52 AM
After you call up Matt Damon, give Mo Dowd at the NY Times a ring. She propagated your quotes, too!
Posted by: huerfano | September 12, 2008 at 11:18 AM
You fooled Matt Damon, Maureen Dowd, and the SNL writing staff! But then, so does a string of shiny beads.
Posted by: Jim Treacher | September 14, 2008 at 01:23 PM
THE JOKE IS ON THE LIB-TARDS, for believing a lie. Why do they believe the lie? Because it fits their prejudices so well.
They have exposed themselves as having half-witted, slow brains, clearly unevolved, and dumb as flat-earthers.
I think I am going to call those who believe the anti-Palin smears without asking basic sanity-check questions (or maybe they dont care about the truth, they just want to pass the smears on) ... "Lib-tards of Satan", in deference to the satirical original statement.
Posted by: Travis Monitor | September 14, 2008 at 02:17 PM
" I don't think Damon is dumb."
Yes he is dumb. The guy is so frickin' dumb he thinks George Clooney is smart.
" Maybe he's hanging out with the wrong people? lol. "
There is that. Hollywood has become a black hole of political stupidity.
It may get redeemed by "An American Carol", we shall see.
Posted by: Travis Monitor | September 14, 2008 at 02:20 PM
Perhaps you can now turn your comedic writing genius to making up some really great phony quotes from The One. Or would that be too close to blasphemy of His Worshipfulness?
Posted by: geokstr | September 14, 2008 at 03:52 PM
Wow.
I can't believe the SNL writers believed your satire to be truth (especially when it took me all of 5 minutes on Google to get here and realize it's not). That's pretty damn embarrassing for them. But, unfortunately, it becomes embarrassing for those of us who still disagree with the Palin choice, because now we all kind of look stupid because of it.
This might make you famous in few days...
Posted by: just a new yorker | September 14, 2008 at 09:19 PM
re: "just a new yorker"'s comment above... SNL was simply goofing on the original satire. It's a comedy show, for heaven's sake! The dinosaur rumor was funny and ridiculous... more power to Bob for having inspired SNL's writers to take it a step further for their own comedic purposes. (and, um, sorry to disillusion you, jany, but I wouldn't take the Weekend Update for gospel truth either).
Fact is, a ridiculous choice for VP like Sarah Palin deserves some laughs... even if they are nervous laughs motivated by the wake-up fear that, OMG, Obama might not win after all and we might end up with 4 more years of unintelligent, power-hungry people running the show. People, like, gasp!... HER!
I had 3 different people tell me in the past week that they are starting to worry that Obama might lose. Probably just paying too much attention to polls. Still. A scary thought. I hope Obama does something to shine this week.
Posted by: snl watcher | September 15, 2008 at 01:44 AM
@ snl watcher. You're probably right that SNL was just continuing the joke. And yes, I am well aware of the difference between satire and truth (but, um, thanks for the "update" about weekend update).
Maybe I just overthought it, fearing that, if Matt Damon considered the quote to be truth, one of the SNL writers may have done so as well. Plus, considering that everything else attributed to Palin in the skit was (frighteningly) true and not satire...then who knows. But yes, I definitely do trust SNL's writers to be smarter than Matt Damon.
But really, knowing how close the race is, how important this election is, and the absurdly low road McCain has taken ("lipstick on a pig" --> OMG Obama is insinuating that Palin's a pig!) I don't think it's wise to give any reason for republicans to point at dems and accuse us of spreading lies that Palin believes dinosaurs are "lizards of satan." After all, there's enough crazy stuff she said that's actually true!
But that's probably me, overthinking again...and also keeping my fingers crossed for Obama :)
Posted by: just a new yorker | September 15, 2008 at 10:44 AM
People are posting this as factual not because they are dim-witted (such as the people who back McCain/Palin), it's because they can very well pass as facts from what we've seen from Palin herself. Also, maybe McCain/Palin backers would also like to check on numerous untrue statements made by Palin about Obama and his campaign. Who's half-witted now?
Posted by: John | September 15, 2008 at 12:43 PM
"People are posting this as factual not because they are dim-witted (such as the people who back McCain/Palin), it's because they can very well pass as facts from what we've seen from Palin herself."
Like what?
Posted by: Jim Treacher | September 15, 2008 at 01:05 PM
Example 1: "They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska." --Sarah Palin, on her foreign policy insights into Russia, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
Only respond if you actually watched the whole interview and the context of this quote. It would be laughable if this were fictional.
Posted by: John | September 15, 2008 at 02:48 PM
You fooled Matt Damon and all the Saturday Night Live writers. I can't believe how gullible some people are.
The Republicans are running a Rookie for Vice President.
The Democrats are running a Rookie for President.
Posted by: Tex | September 16, 2008 at 12:12 PM
apparently everyone now thinks Sarah Palin is convinced dinosaurs were around 4,000 years ago... don't know if it's REALLY a bad thing that nobody is going to do the research to find out it was from this blog. HAH!
Thanks for that. Only a few are willing to do the reasearch to find out what is really going on, and too many believe what comes easiest.. so keep em comin I say.
Posted by: Ctown | September 16, 2008 at 06:59 PM
Wow...Matt Damon living up to the caricature found in "Team America" a bit more than I'd like to see. I find him to be a talented actor, and don't particularly care for Gov. Palin as a VP choice, but seriously, he bit hard on your dinosaur line, and he also suggested that she was trying to ban books in Alaska. Clearly your quote is funny and satirical, while the book issue seems hugely blown out of proportion and taken out of context, but what worries me is the number of people who will see the Matt Damon video, or countless other "viral" rubbish online, and make voting decisions without even considering the validity of the information before them.
Posted by: MATT DAMON!! | September 16, 2008 at 11:34 PM
Alaska Women Reject Sarah Palin rally was held his past Saturday.
There was an amazing turnout of like-minded women (and men and children)!
Pics here: http://laurainak.blogspot.com
Posted by: walden333 | September 19, 2008 at 12:25 AM
Dude, congrats on making up some comical stuff and having Matt Damon believe every word of it.
But I guess that wasn't too hard.
Posted by: Kevin | September 19, 2008 at 03:50 AM